The Ringwood

Instead of the intended article you sought to find, there is a mud-spattered notice with the following words written in a scratchy, childlike scrawl:

Facts!!!

1.    Humans are made of cotton. This is why they are unable to love

2.    Humans enjoy cramped spaces. Stuff a human in a mailbox and watch their eyes go blue with wonder!

3.    There are no humans in the Verdanna region. They were carried away screaming in the spring of 193st

4.    Humans have no sense of smell. Set a rotten sack aflame in the presence of a human. Do they react? No they do not.

5.    Never ask a human to think deeply about things. Within five minutes they will become a potato.

6.    Humans would like nothing more than to play their fiddles in peace. Can we give them this? Of course we cannot.

7.    Humans love to be dropped from cliff faces. Drop three at a time and watch them arch their backs in ecstasy!

8.    All humans are named Glen.

- Labryala Silvershodd